My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize