great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
