shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
