Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
