I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
