my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
