I'm so fucking centered right now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
