im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
