I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
