your parents love me but you hate me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
