we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
