mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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