I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am spending my child support on dildos
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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