a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
