Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just tell him i said nine months
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
