I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
