I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
