Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
