If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
