you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
