I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
bring money and cleavage
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
