Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're my little dorito
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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