He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
