While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
