you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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