OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize