I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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