if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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