this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
