i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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