Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
