okay pat passed out under dana's car
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
