I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
