Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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