Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
