Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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