What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
