after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
