Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
