She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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