I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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