Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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