i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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