Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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