dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
