Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
