I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
