Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
