I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
