Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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