So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
