If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
