I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
