Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
