guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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