Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
