They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
