so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
