we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
