we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
40s are totally the cure
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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