Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
