$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
