After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
