Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
