So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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