Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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