Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
