i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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