I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
