I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
