I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize