I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this boner is exhausting
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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