You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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