real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
