Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize