Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
