I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
