Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
