I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
